Allow me to set the scene for you. I'm sitting on the sofa and just encountered baby barf for the second time today on my yellow t-shirt. Rosie's sleeping by my side, Jasmine is playing in the background and Blippi is frolicking in a soft play. It’s 11:10 am and my triumph of the day is getting me and the girls dressed before noon. I'm drinking a cup of what was once hot raspberry leaf tea, which I will come back to later in this post when I talk about breastfeeding my youngest. It’s a dull dry Tuesday, I'd complain about the weather but as a true Scottish woman, I'd complain just as much if the sun was giving us enough warmth worth putting shorts on. I'm 20 years old and I have two little girls. My eldest Jasmine who is two-going-on-twelve, and my youngest Rosie. You may have guessed by the title of this page that Rosie is 6 weeks old now and as this is my second postpartum journey and I have plenty to unpack.
Hot drinks are a delicacy from the past when you have a newborn let alone a toddler chasing your feet. Who has time to meal prep? My eldest is nearly always offered 5-star meals on the a-la-cart menu I somehow prepare every day. But why is it so hard to eat well or anything at all with 2 kids? My hormones are everywhere, I can confirm that my cravings are stronger now 6 weeks postpartum than they were antenatal. I have heard breastfeeding can cause a larger appetite, maybe it’s the lack of consumption during the day. Let’s talk about binge eating for a moment. More specifically nighttime bing-eating. I am officially a victim of the gorging. I have never in my life been much of a sweet tooth other than during both my pregnancies. It would be much more convenient if my cravings were fruit-based. Every night at 7 pm I put the girls to bed then finish my chores for the night ( cleaning is my therapy right now ), shower and reply to some emails before cosying up in the corner of the sofa to one of three of my favourite shows right now - Doctor Who (save the nerd comments), Motherland or Lilly Collins’ Emily in Paris. It’s then that I indulge in my favourite chocolates and ice cream, sometimes I treat myself to a slice of cake or two then spend the rest of my night before hitting the sack feeling incredibly guilty about what I’ve just filled my gut with. I suppose where the mum guilt kicks in most is knowing that when breastfeeding my youngest she essentially eats what I eat. It's not uncommon to experience this phenomenon after having a baby. Not having the time to eat during the day and rummaging in the fridge at night. Binge eating typically comes hand in hand with general anxiety, so it’s no surprise many of us women experience this during postpartum.
You may have picked up by now that I am in the midst of my breastfeeding journey with my youngest, but before I go any further I must make something very clear. A fed baby is a happy baby! There is no doubting the benefits of breastmilk however we must highlight the fact that mothers who formula feed their babies are just as amazing. Nobody has the right to comment on how any mother chooses to feed her baby. Either way, it's her journey. As a mother myself, I believe we should strive to encourage and uplift our community, so please be kind. For some background, I breastfed my eldest for roughly 2 weeks before reluctantly switching. Jasmine was born with a tongue tie making latching incredibly difficult. Due to a lack of knowledge and poor latching, I suffered terribly from cracked nipples for 2 weeks solid and if I thought that was bad enough, I developed mastitis in the same breast twice. When I look back on my breastfeeding journey with Jasmine, it does make me sad. I do question if her tongue tie had been rectified sooner or if I was more knowledgeable on latching, feeding positions or how to care for and prevent breast engorgement would I have had a much different experience? Would I have been able to or even wanted to continue to breastfeed Jasmine? My first breastfeeding experience was not a positive one, and It made me super paranoid during my pregnancy with Rosie. Little did I know my journey the second time around would be so different. My mum who my biggest supporter, did a lot of research for me in the last weeks of my pregnancy with Rosie to ensure me the best shot I could get at breastfeeding. I bought whatever I could find on the market that I’d thought would help. I even had a midwife check my latch before leaving the postnatal Ward. I massaged blocked ducts away in every shower in the first weeks of Rosie's birth and so far avoided mastitis like the plague. Although, I'm not certain if mastitis is something you can prevent or if it's just your potluck. I am 6 weeks in and I have no plans on switching to formula for now. My latest accomplishment came last week…I was at my biweekly Starbucks date with Rosie while Jaz was in nursery. For the first time I managed to nurse without the help of my mum holding a shawl over me to avoid a nip-slip. Something else I should make clear also. It is a mother’s personal choice to cover while nursing. It has been my own decision to cover, and I am super proud of being able to do it all by myself in a public area - something I was incredibly nervous about.
No two babies are the same including siblings. I mentioned earlier I had been sipping a cup of raspberry leaf tea. This isn’t my usual go-to beverage, I usually opt for a vanilla or caramel latte. More recently I had been enjoying the Crème Brulée Iced Espresso from Starbucks however I am now regrettably on a full-time caffeine ban. Through a process of elimination I found out what had been keeping my littlest awake all of a sudden. I am one week in on my caffeine ban and I have never slept better and neither has Rosie. The past four nights we have been blessed with 8-hour sleeps and much longer naps during the day. I do miss my lattes but when you have a newborn and toddler to keep entertained all day, you jump at any chance you get for those few extra hours in bed. What time do you finally arise from your bed in the morning? I was never much of an early riser growing up, especially in high school. I missed first period for most of 4th year and barely bothered to attend 5th year. How I walked away with 6 National 5s and a Higher qualification in English I will never know. Most people don’t know this about me due to my lack of general common sense but I'd go as far as to say I'm a little more “book” savvy than I give myself credit for. I'm yet to master our bedtime routines. In my two years of parenting do you want to know the one thing I have learned? Routine is key. Especially at bedtime. I had a very simple routine before Rosie was born. Dinner at 6 pm following bath at 6.30 pm, brush teeth and pyjamas on for storytime and sleeping for 7 pm. 7 pm to 11 pm was my time to do whatever I wanted; usually scrolling & watching TV. Before falling pregnant id usuallyindulge myself in a glass of white wine. Nowadays it's a little more chaotic. Trying to bathe a toddler while keeping a newborn settled isn't my expertise. Neither is getting a toddler to sleep with an unsettled baby. I know in time it will get easier, it's still early days and I have a lot to practice. The routine will naturally fall into place before I know it.
So here I am. 6 weeks postpartum. Recovery has been kinder to me this time around other than the identity crisis I believe nearly all of us encounter in the weeks after birth. Recovering from a natural birth compared to the C-section recovery I had last time around has been more manageable by far. The months after birth were never supposed to be an easy ride. Recognising that you are not in this alone and talking about it can make a world of difference. As for Rosie we have had some beautiful smiles this week. They say they are real happy ones from around six weeks onwards but does anyone believe they are just gas before that? I don’t. It’s been a beautiful chaos these last few weeks. Adjusting to my new life with two children while renovating our new home. Unhealthy eating habits caffeine strikes, sleepless nights and baby barf. I am excited to share my unfiltered moments with you and to any mums out there, including those who are expecting… you are truly amazing. This life is not easy. But it sure is worth every tear and tantrum <3
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